


to have and to hold

by ROSEWAR



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sad Ending, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4116399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ROSEWAR/pseuds/ROSEWAR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No one will ever love you as much as I do. Not in this world, or in any other."</p>
            </blockquote>





	to have and to hold

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
>   
> 

**i.**  
"Brother!" Ludger whines, cheeks red and puffy from his pouty frown. "My friend Klarissa made fun of me today!"

Julius laughs already, without even needing to know the reason why. "What'd you do  _this_  time?"

Ludger's frown takes a more disgruntled look to it, and he glares at Julius half-heartedly. "Some of the girls in class asked me who I wanted to marry."

"And?"

Ludger wrinkles his nose, blushes hard, and looks down at his lap. "I said I wanted to marry you."

Julius bursts out laughing, and Ludger shouts at him from across the kitchen.

 **ii.**  
Julius has his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, and he can't think or speak or breathe. All he can hear is Ludger, who is curled up at his feet, sobbing into his hands.

"I'm sorry, I know it's disgusting," he cries pitifully. "I'm a freak, I'm sorry brother, don't look at me, don't look at me, don't look--"

Julius takes his face out of his hands in favor of snatching Ludger's wrists and yanking them away from his eyes.

"You're not a freak, you're not disgusting," he hisses. "You're my little brother, and I love you. I'll never stop loving you."

"But Julius," Ludger says with a trembling voice.

Julius pulls Ludger up by his wrists and crushes their mouths together. Ludger swats Julius' hands away before throwing his arms around his brother's neck. He holds him, squeezes him, clings to Julius so hard that it hurts and they shake.

 **iii.**  
Ludger runs his fingers up and down Julius' bare chest, humming in contentment as he finally settles into the warmth of his afterglow.

"I," Ludger begins before shaking his head and burying his face in Julius' neck.

Julius chuckles warmly before turning onto his side to face Ludger, and he draws away to catch his brother's gaze.

"What is it?" he asks, tone chiding and gentle and playful as he tilts Ludger's face up with a hand on his cheek.  
  
Redness blossoms over Ludger's face, and he averts his gaze fully. He shakes his head again, but Julius leans down, kisses the nervousness out of him, and gives his cheek a stroke with his thumb.

When they pull away, Ludger is dazed and pliant all over again. He manages a shy smile.

"I was going to say..." he begins. He looks up at Julius through his lashes, his smile loving and longing. "It felt like we fit together perfectly. Like we were meant to be."

Julius is quiet for a moment, but his smile softens and spreads, and he rolls on top of his brother.

"We were," he says, tender and sincere. It's strangely unusual in his voice, but Ludger doesn't doubt it for even a moment. "We are."

Ludger tries to take in everything about Julius at once; his smile, his eyes, that strange little scar separating his eyebrow, the hardness of his muscles, the way he hums, his cheerfulness, his stubbornness, his overprotectiveness--

"I love you," Ludger whispers as if it were a revelation. "I love you, Julius."

Julius presses their lips together with all the lovingness in the world.

 **iv.**  
"I'll get you a plate, so you can go unwind with some TV or something--"

As Ludger reaches for the dishwasher door, he feels Julius' hands curl around his hips, urging him to turn around.

Ludger looks up, and Julius' face is placid, serious, thoughtful. It worries him a bit.

"Big brother?" he begins with a shaky smile.

Julius takes Ludger's hands into his, holds them between them, and runs his thumbs over his brother's soft knuckles.

"Ludger..."

Ludger swallows hard, his smile fading. "Julius?"

"I've done a lot of things, made a lot of mistakes," Julius begins. He never takes his eyes off of their hands. "I know I have a lot of flaws. I don't know how you put up with me. Not just as my lover, but as my family."

"Julius. You're scaring me," Ludger murmurs.

"I don't deserve you," Julius says softly, barely above a whisper. "I don't deserve you one bit. You're more amazing than you'll ever know."

Ludger curls his hands, trying to hold Julius', but he relaxes his fingers in favor of watching Julius drop to both knees. He's equal parts afraid and confused.

"You deserve the world, Ludger, and I know I'm not perfect. I know what we have isn't perfect," Julius says as he releases Ludger's hands. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a small, dark blue box.

"Julius," Ludger says breathlessly, eyes misting over. "You can't."

Julius smiles up at him. "I know there isn't a court in Elympios that'll honor us, but I still want to be able to call you my husband."

The tears come down in thick trails, and Ludger nods dumbly, mouth opening soundlessly. Julius smiles up at him too, looks as if he could cry if he gave himself the chance, and he reaches up to take one of Ludger's hands into his and slips the traditional silver band around Ludger's promise finger.

"Julius," Ludger chokes out, and he drops to his knees and throws his arms around Julius' neck. "I love you. I'll marry you. I don't care what anyone thinks, I love you, I want to be with you forever, I want to be with you forever."

 **v.**  
They end up getting married in their bathroom while Ludger was in the middle of cleaning it. He slips his rubber gloves off, tosses them into the tub, and he places his hands on top of Julius'.

"Julius," he says softly. He tilts his head in thought, and searches his heart for all of a moment. "I didn't think we would be doing this so soon, so I didn't think of anything to say yet. Sorry."

Julius chuckles. "It's okay."

"I just... I can't think of anything to say that I haven't told you already. I love you. You're my big brother, and the love of my life, and. I love you," Ludger continues, eyes misting over already. "I can say it over and over again, and it still wouldn't be enough."

His fingers twitch, but he holds his tears back as he looks up to hold Julius' gaze. "I'll say it as many times as I need to. I'll tell everyone in Elympios. I don't care. I love you, Julius."

Ludger laughs breathlessly, and tries to reach up to wipe his tears out of his eyes, but Julius holds his hand fast.

"Those had to be the lamest wedding vows ever," he says as he chuckles, blinking hard to prevent himself from crying.

"You think  _yours_  were bad, just wait till you hear mine," Julius says with a nervous laugh of his own.

Ludger lets out a bark of laughter. "Hey,  _I_  had to go, so there's no getting out of this."

Julius grins for a moment before looking down at their joined hands once again. His fingertips twitch against Ludger's palms, and unlike his brother, he doesn't bother sparing a moment to think about what he wants to say.

"I'm no good with words," he admits. "I wish I could just copy you and say I love you over and over again, but that's pretty poor form, especially at your own wedding."

Ludger chuckles, presses his hands down against Julius' to urge him to continue.

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me, Ludger," he says quietly. "I don't think I can live without you. I don't  _want_  to live without you. No one will ever make me as happy as you do. And no one..."

Ludger has to blink hard again, though he does his best to hold Julius' gaze when his brother finally looks up at him.

"No one will ever love you as much as I do," he says quietly. "No one in this world, or in any other."

An awkward silence lingers between them, and when they both realize how long it's been since either of them spoke, they end up chuckling in unison.

"Do you remember the next part?" Ludger asks, tears trickling from his eyes but drying against his cheeks quickly. "I don't think I do."

Julius nods. "I, Julius, take you, Ludger, to be my--"

They both laugh again, but they press their hands together with more insistence this time to keep each other grounded.

" _Unlawfully_  wedded husband," Julius finishes. "To have and to hold, from this day forward. In sickness and in health... Until death do us part."

"And I, Ludger, take you, Julius, to be  _my_  unlawfully wedded husband," Ludger says, unable to hold back a grin despite his tears. "To have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

They watch each other for another long moment that doesn't feel as awkward as it did before, before Julius nods.

"I have declared my consent before you... So we're now pronounced husbands," Julius says, unsure, but his smile brightens when he's finally able to curl his hands around Ludger's, holding them tightly. "This is the part where I get to kiss my groom."

Ludger wrenches his hands out of Julius' grip to throw his arms around his brother's neck, and he kisses him hard, as if it were the first and last kiss they would ever share for the rest of their lives. He can't stop crying, he doesn't know why but he can't, but he smiles through it when he feels Julius hold him in his big arms, and their bodies fit together perfectly.

"I love you," Julius whispers against Ludger's mouth, and he squeezes him, never lets go.

 **vi.**  
"To have and to hold," he thinks to himself as he clutches Julius' watch. It's stopped for almost three days now. "From this day forward."

 

"For better," and he finally traverses the crest in the sky, the remnants of his brother's heart and soul. "For worse."

 

"In sickness, and in health," he thinks as he holds Elle in his arms. The blackness has spread all over the side of her body. It reminds him of the aching darkness that had taken root in Julius' hand.

 

"Till death do us part," he thinks to himself, soft and happy. He closes his eyes, and Julius' smile comes to mind, and that's when Ludger starts to hum.


End file.
